wRItiNg iS My pAsSioN

If an average human life span were to be condensed into a twenty-four hour day, a bunch of seventeen year olds would be analogous to around five o'clock in the morning.

And I know that most of us don't get up until noon.

So before high school seniors start strolling down memory lane, gasping at how Obama was elected almost a decade ago, take this seventeen year old teenager's reflection on life with a grain of salt.

We've experienced our adolescence at a tumultuous time to be growing up. During a stage in which we're trying to explore and develop our identity, external events have also been shaping the environment we've grown up in.

Though the view may have been from afar, we've seen epidemics sweep regions, been in a nation at war for almost our entire lifetime, witnessed the devastating effects of natural disasters, and felt fear at the growing list of Parklands, Santa Fes, and Sandy Hooks, wondering where would be next.

Nonetheless, an impact is here. Growing up in a charged climate where daily events catalyze the formation of our beliefs has resulted in a generation that I would deem resilient.

We are resilient.

For every hit humanity takes, a movement springs up resisting gun violence, racial inequality, and sexual discrimination. And change is uncertain—a fact that the activists, many of whom I've seen at Mills, know best.

Through journalism, I've learned to observe and analyze these changes, using words to make sense of the world, and maybe even sneaking in an opinion or two for whoever listens. Through conversation with my classmates and teachers, in the open environment that Mills is, I expanded my perspectives as we were encouraged to debate and seek another side to the multifaceted issue.

A challenge lies in digesting the scope of news beyond our community and experiences. It turns out that looking inwards towards myself is just as hard.

So where am I now?

I'm trying to figure out where I'm headed in life, and where its meaning is. Sometimes nostalgia longs for the time when a good day meant not letting my oxen drown in the river on the Oregon Trail, or getting a high score on Type to Learn.

Nowadays, meaning is a little more aloof and elusive.

I've had a good time in high school, definitely learning how to get this "life" thing going. Bonds were forged and hobbies pursued. Challenges faced and elation experienced. Mills has been kind to me in that it allowed me to dip my fingers in a bunch of different things, until I realized the unsustainability of such an action, helping me to narrow my focus and give my all to a few activities. I've had time to figure out some of my strengths and weaknesses, and find a general direction heading out into the future.

But throughout the journey, there was always a nagging feeling of the absurdity of the situation. Throw us all in a maze, let us blunder around for a bit within reasonable bounds of risk, then set us free :)

Taking the data accumulated from my time as a short, awkward freshman kid with braces to me now (arguably still short, awkward, and in possession of braces), and parsing it into a neural network would probably come up with a more definitive analysis of how I'm doing in life. At times, school feels like a test of how well one can follow directions, so I'm sure there is an algorithm out there to calculate predictors of epic success.

Because right now? Right now I feel as if I've done a lot, but still know nothing. And I kind of like that. I don't see limits to the opportunities to reach for or the experiences to gain.

My parents moved to this country to provide me that luxury of choice.  I was recently joking around with them about moving away from America and living in Canada or Sweden, where the temptations of free health care lurk. Yet they were surprised at the  notion I might want to leave this country. Though I don't have to be doctor (thanks, brother), they nonetheless carry the immigrant ideal of America being the launch pad of meritocracy for their children, after the first generation takes the hit of coming over and building up from very little.

Navigating the balance between their dream and mine has also been an experience through high school. I try to understand the freedom to build one's own life they see in America, while they try to figure out why I like Japanese cartoons of fighting robots so much.

Throughout the hunt to establish meaning in my life, my parents taught me to view people through a lense of compassion. Everyone is trying to create their path as well, so there is no point in making it any harder by dragging them down or withholding a hand of help. Sometimes a struggle may seem too remote to empathize with, but just being there to talk gives a person release at the very least.

And I'm lucky that the people around me have treated me the same, as I wandered around the maze that is high school and relied on the reassuring high fives and hitched a ride on the momentum of drive to do something right.

So that's why, in a world where conflicts persist and arbitrary circumstances feel like a laugh at hard work, I can still hold firm to the belief that in spite of everything, people are really good at heart.  People out there, whether they know you or not, genuinely empathize with your struggles and want to help you succeed.  And I'm grateful for that.

So yes, I don't really know where I'm going, but I know how I'll will act along the way. Finding meaning in life is a personal choice that is collectively sought after, so take comfort in the thought that everyone else is wondering what to do next too.

Though we may just be at 5:00 am in the time of our lives, the clock is ticking, and it's about time to wake up.