2025 was the year of goodbyes. Not all were good goodbyes, but here is my end of the exchange, to be blogged into the void.
Disclaimer: I believe all people are in good health, so this farewell is within the scope of friendship, not life!
Content warning: Prepare for cringe behavior from the author.
In chronological order:
M: I apologize for imbuing emotions/hopes/dreams/vulnerabilities into our letters that may have led you to construe that something more was possible. I viewed you as my confidant and forcing function to introspect on my life, and I hope you derived equal value in our exchanges. I might have been a bit of a dementor. Thanks for staying in touch after rejection, and I think we've figured out good boundaries.
A: I apologize for acting petty at the BBQ, but in my opinion it was warranted. The disconnect between online and offline personas will forever irk me, but enough time has passed and I'll respond politely whenever we see each other next. Thanks for the sparkly summer of bike rides and car rides, being a distraction from more dangerous pursuits, and for proving that middle school crushes should stay there.
K: Deliberate loss of female friendship (not passive fading) was a new pain I experienced, and you've definitely shown up in a few of my dreams. I try not to take it personally, since I know a few other friends were similarly abandoned, but I've constantly replayed the few contentious interactions we've had before I could even say goodbye. The lack of information from your end makes it difficult for me to speculate on the cause of our breakup, but from our few disagreements I've realized that I have more of a backbone than my teenage self, and I cannot be a friend who is also a lackey. I'm sorry for not voicing my opinions more articulately, but I'm happy to debate if you ever come back.
E: It's been two-ish years since our last goodbye. To be frank, your avoidance of me just makes it weirder (it's not weird if you don't make it weird?), but I respect that we're different people with different tolerances and different peripherals to consider. Your unilateral declaration of "we're no longer friends" to a group chat you didn't think I would see was an unexpected stab in the gut (among others), but my primary reaction is embarrassment when I acted like a dork asking where you were and none of our friends enlightened me on your recent press release. Anyways, I'm sorry we can't be friends, I'm sorry you couldn't say that to my face (like I did to you), and I'm sorry our cats will never meet (maybe that is for the best, though). I've watched enough rom-coms to know that I'm the villain here. Also, please stop appearing in my dreams (fingers-crossed as it has been a few months)!
My emotions regarding these goodbyes (or lack thereof) spanned a range of hurt, anger, annoyance, grief, and apathy over the course of 2025. Acceptance may be too optimistic (given that I am still musing over these thoughts in early 2026), but I aim to document these experiences, seal them in the bottle (this blog), and throw them into the sea (the internet). It is time for fresher ideas to grow within, despite my penchant for replaying the past. Also, I plan to attend all the upcoming house warmings and weddings without regard for the guest list, so be prepared for a wave and a smile (or smirk). Mwahaha.
I like to view myself as a rational, cheerful, and angelic person, so admitting to my mistakes and archiving instances of my petty behavior is really embarrassing! But I'm 25, so might as well live a little. If my manager reads this, please don't fire me :^)
My letterboxd: https://boxd.it/fTIrh
2026 Bingo Card: (I was already remiss to post in January T_T)
English translation of Good, Goodbye (Hwasa), from Genius:
[Verse 1]
Walk over me, walk away
It's fine, don't look back my way
This pain I feel, yours run deeper
So now I'll try to understand you
The way you lived and breathed for me, let go
I'll rise above for you and just kill my ego
[Pre-Chorus]
Turn your back and walk away
You got it, you got it, yeah
[Chorus]
Goodbye will hurt us but we'll keep it beautiful (Oh-oh-oh)
Smile even brighter, so I'll drown in my own regret
Goodby-y-ye
[Post-Chorus]
By-ye-ye, ya-ya-ye
By-ye-ye, ya-ya-ye (By-y-ye)
By-ye-ye, ya-ya-ye
By-ye-ye-ye-ye
Drowning in regret, goodby-y-ye
[Verse 2]
A song made thinking about you
At last, you feel it shining through
The tears are welling up, still finding light in you
We're in a quiet fade of two
[Pre-Chorus]
Instead of a thank you, it's a
Goodbye, good goodbye, yeah
[Chorus]
Goodbye will hurt us but we'll keep it beautiful (Oh-oh-oh)
Smile even brighter, so I'll drown in my own regret
Goodby-y-ye
[Post-Chorus]
By-ye-ye, ya-ya-ye
By-ye-ye, ya-ya-ye (By-y-ye)
By-ye-ye, ya-ya-ye
By-ye-ye-ye-ye
[Bridge]
Even as the whole world is looking down on me
Even if there is no one on my side, next to me
Don't worry, it's okay
I'll stay right here with me
I'll be on my side instead of you
[Chorus]
Goodbye will hurt me, but I'll let the teardrops fall
Even if I break in regret, I've loved us after all
Goodby-y-ye
[Outro]
By-ye-ye, ya-ya-ye (By-y-ye)
By-ye-ye, ya-ya-ye (By-y-ye)
By-ye-ye, ya-ya-ye
By-ye-ye-ye-ye
There's no more regret, goodby-y-ye
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